After a local resident retired, his
wife insisted her husband accompany her on her frequent trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, the husband was like most men--he found shopping tedious and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, the wife, like most
women--loved to browse. After a few such trips, she received the following
letter from Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. ------,
Over the past several months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to
ban both of you if it continues. Our complaints against your husband are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told shoppers they could join him if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
October 4: Looked directly into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where to find the antidepressants.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
As we said, we cannot tolerate this type of behavior and in the future you and your husband will be watched closely when you enter the store. Any further misbehavior will result in you both being banned.
Sincerely, Wal-Mart