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DON'T MESS WITH GRANDMA

CARSON CULTURE TIPS

HOW TO GET ALONG IN CARSON

IN GENERAL

1. Never take adult beverages to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you know that you are included in the will, it is still
   in bad taste to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly from the box so as not to "bruise"  the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, make sure your fingers cover the label.

 

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
3. Only "finger foods" should be eaten with fingers.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private using your own keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for a while, but if you live alone deodorant is a waste of money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund or bowling shirt is not recommended.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the elk is in sight.
2. Never try to tow a car using panty hose and duct tape.
3. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's in bad taste to ask her to bring back more beer.